I have a confession:
My focus is off.
I sit down to read my Bible, pray, or even worship my Creator and my mind drifts.
This doesn’t normally happen to me.
Usually I can push past any distractions and spend time with God.
But lately I’m struggling to give God one minute of my undivided attention.
I’ve spent time trying to analyze “why” I’m having the inability to center my heart and mind on God, but I find I can’t even concentrate on that for longer than thirty seconds. (Perhaps it’s because I’m pregnant and really tired)
So instead of forcing myself to “figure out why” I’m having this dilemma, and rather than give up until my mind decides to cooperate, I’ve decided to adopt the old adage: “Fake it till you make it”.
This is where having established discipline comes in.
Discipline keeps me returning to God, even though it feels like an exercise in futility.
Discipline prompts me to “go through the motions”.
While this may sound contrary to a good relationship, I think it’s quite the opposite.
I’m still committed to God.
I still long to spend time with Him.
I still WANT to hear His voice and feel His presents.
I don’t’ know “why” I’m having difficulty being in His presents since my heart longs to be near Him, but I’m not going to waste my energy (and limited mental capacity) trying to figure out the logic behind all this.
And I’m not going to “give up”.
I’m not going to feel like a failure or believe the lie that it’s a waste of my time to read my Bible when I can’t remember anything five minutes later.
I’m NOT going to “Take time off” from serving God and obeying Him.
I’m NOT going to “take a day off” from being in a relationship with my Savior (click to tweet).
While I may not FEEL like I’m accomplishing anything, I trust that I am not wasting my time…or God’s.
My focus may be skewed right now, but my heart is still committed to God.
So until my focus returns, I’ll continue to “fake it till I make it”.
I’m so thankful for the discipline I’ve cultivated over the years.
I have a strong feeling that without that discipline I would be tempted to “take time off” and turn my focus to things that make me feel like I’ve used my time more “wisely”.
But thank God He doesn’t view wisdom or productivity as we do. He knows our hearts, our motives, our humanness, our thoughts…nothing is hidden from Him.
I can’t lie to Him.
He knows my focus is off, but He also knows I long for my focus to be centered on Him.
To Him, I’m not “faking” it; I’m simply continuing to discipline my body/mind to seek Him even when I don’t feel like it.
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand—when I awake, I am still with you.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked! Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord, and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”